2019, the year of growth

I finally made the decision in 2019 to just travel alone! I was single, and had no obligations to anyone but myself, plus I was in desperate need of a change. How did it start? Well, I did research on a travel group and decided I would go to Colombia because why not?! Let me also add this was the farthest I’ve ever traveled from home. It was fantastic, and I realized then that I wanted to travel internationally at least twice a year! It also became clear that I did not have to travel with a travel group if I did enough research beforehand by myself.  And so I took more solo trips…

It took my life to another level. I called that level independence.

I ultimately understood how much I missed out on by waiting for other people to get on board with a trip, and me being afraid to do things or go places alone. I decided that I would never do that again. I promised not to let anyone hold me back; not even myself/ or my fear(s).

So, yeah in 2019 I was desperate to reclaim my life and PEACE.  I had a lot of frustrating years up until then and knew that my mind, body and soul needed healing. I needed to make up for some lost time so I did a lot of traveling. In January, I went to Colombia, March I went to Haiti and took my brother and little sister, in May I took a Soul Care retreat cruise from Puerto Rico (stopping at St. Maarten, St. Kitts, Antigua, St. Lucia, and Barbados), then after the cruise I stayed in Puerto Rico and I flew my mom down to celebrate Mother’s Day, in August I went back to Haiti (this time with my mom and showed her a more exciting experience in her homeland), then finally in October I went to Bali, Indonesia and took a long layover in Taiwan on the flight back to NY.

One important fact that I must mention is during March of that same year I changed my employment status from full time to per diem. If this is the first post of mine that you are reading let me catch you up. I am a Physician Assistant, I work in the Emergency Room and I have been doing so since 1/2017. So a little background, the ER I was working in had a lot of staffing issues (what hospital doesn’t right?!) so I did a lot of overtime, not to mention the shifts were always busy. I was exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. The energy there was getting worse and I dreaded going into work (but it was not always like that). Towards the end of my time there I had to wear my clear quartz crystal around my neck, carry a small selenite tower and put it in front of my computer monitor in order to get me through my 12 hour shift. The pay was amazing, but my peace is worth much more. So I typed up the email and pressed send. It was the best decision of my life.

In between all those trips I was kind of looking for a job, but let’s be honest I really needed a break and I was not really looking that hard. My funds started to decrease and I did not feel comfortable with the cushion I had left over from my savings so that’s when reality set in and I decided to be more aggressive in my search. I had one job interview, that I’m technically still waiting on a response from although, no response is a response. Prior to my trip to Bali I received an interview date for an Emergency Room position, the interview was scheduled after my return. If you haven’t read my blog “Bali baby” I suggest you read it for more details about that trip. Needless to say I was nervous about doing well for the interview and most importantly liking the hospital and who I worked with and ultimately it being a great fit. I will get to the interview in a minute, but first Bali…

I felt like I had been waiting to go to Bali my whole life because when I got there it felt like home. My skin never looked so beautiful, I never felt so at peace and I was in love with love and life again. What do I mean by that, well I had not been in a serious and consistent relationship for about 4 years. My heart had become cold, and hard, and frankly a little dark. I really did not believe in love much but I believed in trying to love myself and healing because I knew it was not healthy to think that way. Hence why I took the soul care retreat, which I will probably write a blog on that because so many things took place on that trip that confirmed that I was not only prepared but READY for the next chapter of my life. I’ll probably name it My Soul Care Retreat cruise experience.

Besides soaking in the culture and peace that Bali had to offer- my mind, body and spirit were excited to accept what was coming to me, of which I had no idea. But that’s how the Universe works sometimes. I believe the complete transformation took place at the Holy water temple, a place I knew I wanted to visit even before really knowing and understanding what it meant to go there. What I remember most about the experience is the feeling of weight lifted off of me when I stepped out of the water. I felt like I was floating, there was no longer any fear in my heart. For once in my life I knew that everything would work out.

When I got back to NY I prepared for the interview for the position that was already mine. During the end of the interview and tour the Director of the ER said “If you want the position send me an email with the contact information of three references”, I remember thinking “of course I want the position” but then I really thought about it when I got home and closed my eyes. I remembered the energy I felt when I arrived at the hospital, the security guard who wished me good luck as he let me into the waiting room, and the man who worked at the smoothie store that I stopped at to get a smoothie after leaving the interview. He said “you will get the job, don’t worry”.  Twenty two days later I received my offer letter for the position which I happily accepted.

My life has changed since Bali, and I should say it has changed bit by bit throughout the whole year of 2019. It was a year of taking my power back, healing, redirecting, acceptance, self love, and GROWTH.

I did all the things I wanted to do, and that included piercing my nose; something that I thought I could never do because of my position in the medical field. I figured it would be deemed unprofessional by administration. Guess what, I chose to do what made me happy and did it. I feel like that little hole in my nose opened up new portals in my heart, mind, and spirit. It’s funny how more complete I feel with it. * Update- 18 months later I decided to remove my nose ring because it caused a lot of irritation from wearing the N95 mask at work, but I still feel every bit as complete as I did when I got the piercing, so it was more about doing what I wanted to do and the physical transformation of all that had occurred in my life until then. It was everything, and then there was MORE.

I had the courage to start my business A little Vanity, LLC which requires a separate blog post to discuss. I also moved out of my mother’s house and got myself an apartment closer to work. Before I talk about the apartment story I should mention that 2019 was coming to an end, it was now December and on the night that I was celebrating my best friend’s birthday when we got back to her place, sadly someone had broken into my car and stole a few things; credit cards, sneakers in the back seat and my airpods. It was my fault for leaving the cards in the car- I was in such a rush to reach her house on time I did not switch purses at home so I left the extra credit cards in the compartment between the two front seats. In spite of that, I did not get myself worked up, I accepted it for what it was, I canceled the cards and said ok no problem. I truly believe that was a test to see if I really trusted the universe, and I swear I really did, in my heart I knew everything would be ok, and that’s why it didn’t really bother me. I remembered all the positives- like at least I still had my car, they didn’t break my windows, or take my radio, etc. I was blessed to still be alive, anything could have happened if I arrived while the break in was occurring. This is what I mean about how my trips have changed my life. They have allowed me to have more gratitude and appreciation for EVERY SINGLE THING.

Ok back to the apartment, literally two days later (from the car break in) while looking for apartments online, I messaged a realtor about a two bedroom apartment. She told me that the apartment did not allow pets although the listing said that it did, she asked me what I was looking for and I told her. She immediately messaged me back and told me about an apartment owned by the same owner of the previous listing and asked me if I wanted to see it. The following day I saw it and that was it, I was in love. It was everything I wanted, PLUS it was below my budget, and it was walking distance to my new job. The funny thing is that it wasn’t even on the market yet. I still think of that realtor as an Angel and I told her so, her name even starts with the letter A.

I ended the year securing a new job, getting a new apartment, starting a business, and booking my next trip the following year to Capetown, South Africa with layover in Kenya, and ALL scheduled to happen in February, Black history month. Everything felt like it was supposed to be this way. I don’t ever wonder what my life would have been like if I didn’t make the necessary changes to enter this new one, I just don’t see any point in even thinking about the what ifs. I am just THANKFUL for the growth. I did not realize until a year later that I literally carried myself for 9 months without a steady income. I gave birth to myself, a new me, a better me, a stronger me. I took all the pain, heartache, fear, guilt, anger, sadness and let it go. I took all that time off not knowing where I would end up, I didn’t even know how much I trusted myself and the universe until I just jumped off the security or should I say the insecurity of one income. It is a wonderful feeling to remove that baggage from my life so that I am now FREE to love everything and anything. The simplest things bring me joy now, I came from such a dark place, where nothing could make me smile for long. Don’t get me wrong my life is far from perfect but I can almost always find the positive in every situation and I no longer sweat the small things for too long. When you remove things and people that no longer add to your life you make room for things and/or people that should be there, that will add to and help you either find or fulfill your purpose.

Thank you for reading this post. I truly hope that you all can find peace within yourselves like I have. Please leave comments, questions and keep reading.